Hi Connor! First off, your homepage looks great! I was definitely intrigued about what your storybook was going to be about. I haven't read Dante's Inferno, so I had no clue what I was getting into. I really liked how you set up the Introduction. They way you really address the reader directly is fantastic! I also like how you gave the reader a character as the traveler. I really felt like Virgil was speaking to me! I also enjoyed the language you used; it was so vivid. As someone who has never read Dante's Inferno, you did a great job giving a brief introduction about it; the three distinct levels of hell were interesting. In reference to your website, I think it looks great! I'm picky with details, so one thing I would suggest is that you keep your Image Information text formatted the same. But other than that, great job! I look forward to reading more!
Hey Connor, I think so far you are off to a great start! I also am not familiar with Dante's inferno but I think based on your introduction this story was a cool inspiration for you. Is this story going to be based on the same characters or is it completely new? While this is a darker topic, I think you do a great job of making people really feel and visualize what you are writing, which is one of the coolest things about this class. I wonder where this story is going to go and I am definitely left wanting to find out where this story goes, which means the audience is definitely captured by your introduction as well. I hope to see some really descriptive words and scenarios that really do make people feel like they are experiencing hell. Good luck with your story and hopefully I can read more soon!
Hey Connor, I like the subject you picked. Dante's inferno is a good one to wrap yourself in and I'm sure your stories are going to be terrifying and fun to read!
I like your first person narrative and you're doing a great job of getting in the mindset of your character! Just a couple things I'd work on, In your first major paragraph, you mention "time" a lot, sometimes even in the same phrasing. Maybe condense those sentences or reword them so it doesn't sound so redundant. I like the switching between blue and white backgrounds but maybe you could play with that a little more and use some reds (it is hell after all right?) I would also add in more pictures for the other major levels to keep the pattern going! Your cover page is awesome! Very hell-ish! Nice! And I like your intro though I would rephrase it a little bit to get the same effect in a more concise way. You're doing a great job! i can't wait to see where these stories go!
Hey Connor, What an attention-grabber. The very first thing that I noticed was your site title, "Welcome to Hell." This is such a great way to start off with a punch! Good job. I'd like to make a few comments on your introduction! I really like your foundation. This is so creative, and doing a project based on Dante's Inferno is brilliant! This past summer I was able to spend some time at Universal Studios in Los Angeles. I almost felt similar feelings while reading this as to the ones I experienced during 3D-immersions at this theme park - synthetic, but so realistic! I liked the images that you've used so far, and I think you could incorporate some even scarier photos. Your project will be one that has a lot of visual potential because of common conceptions/misconceptions of hell, suffering, etc. Choosing a variety of impactful photos can have a huge effect on the way your story is told and perceived! I think you might even be able to add some additional photos to the introduction. Keep it up. I'm really interested to see how you develop your project throughout the semester.
First of all Connor, I just wanted to say I love how unique your idea is! Everything about it unique but it all blends together so perfectly! The background picture you have is super cool, I love Mandelbrot patterns! I think it is super cool that you have Virgil as the narrarator, it is only fitting! I am so interested to see what you do with this story, the three sins you chose are pretty heavy, and it is going to be cool to see what you do with those stories. I think it would be really cool if you incorporated a lot of decription of what the person in each story is feeling, since you said hell isn't a place but basically a mindset! It is going to be hard for most people to really be able to relate with the sinner, but I think that you are such a good writer that you will be able to make even a saint feel like the sinner!! Keep it up!
Conner, I chose your title for my third option for the feedback assignment and I was not let down. I was interested to see what was behind the title. One word that I noticed should be capitalized is the word inferno in the sentence that starts “One very well known...” I enjoyed reading your introduction. I liked that you wrote that Hell is a state of mind, because on Earth that is what many people do to themselves. They put their mind in such a negative cloud that they think that life is so bad that they are in Hell. The power of the mind is incredible and can make people feel and choose different ways of life depending on their own thoughts. As I continued reading the introduction, it only got better from there. I am excited to read the stories you will be coming up with. Continue the great work!
Like everyone else here, I was drawn to your story because of the title. I was having just the worst day and I went to do these blog comments, read "Welcome to Hell," and thought that sounds about right! I think Dante's Inferno is a really original topic and I especially liked how you took us through a little run down of Dante's Inferno because I've never read it before. Your writing style definitely draws the reader in and puts them into this world you've created. The whole felling of the intro is just the right amount of dark and sinister without going overboard, it actually makes you a little uncomfortable, but in the best way possible. Can't wait to read more from you!
Connor, I really like how you are making Dante’s Inferno more modern because that will make the story more relatable to readers today. The main aspect of your Storybook that caught my eye is that we are experiencing hell through the eyes of the people who have sinned. This adds a very interesting twist on this classic story which I am sure will be enjoyable as you continue to write more. The one thing I was curious about is why you chose to write your story in third person. What if you changed the way you told the stories to first person? I think this would make the experience for the reader more enjoyable and we would be more immersed in the story because we would be seeing the thoughts of the sinners in hell. That is just my personal opinion on which perspective should be used for these kinds of stories. Overall, I believe this is an intriguing storybook with a lot of potential.
Hi Connor! I just read your first story, Addict, and I thought it was super interesting and enjoyable to read. Your writing style was incredible for the type of piece that you were crafting. I also thought that the point of view that you chose to use was super interesting and unique to your piece. You picked an interesting topic that is sometimes sensitive and made it personal and understood. I am excited for the weeks to come to see what direction you go with your story. I will have to flag your page to come back and check it for sure. What if, for one of your other stories, you give the character that is going through these things a name? That might make it easier for the reader to connect as your story book continues to grow in volume. I am excited to see which direction you decide to go as the semester continues.
Hi Conner, That was a really powerful story! I haven't read a story that has given me the same gut check. The way you worded it made me feel as though I was the person experiencing the first level of hell. I think that telling the story in second person making the reader the "you" in the story is an excellent touch that could be maintained for the rest of the project. I enjoyed reading your intro as well, it painted a good picture of what is to come in the rest of your project. I am looking forward to reading more about this topic. Great story!
Hi Conner! I knew that I'd connect with your story the moment I found out it was going to be about Dante's Inferno. I'm also doing the same story as well except our views on it are totally different. I want to say right off the bat that your visuals and descriptive details are insane. I felt so immersed in the first person sense. It was like I was on an attraction ride and going through it myself. The attention to detail that you put into your first story gave me the chills. It was like I was a drug addict myself getting bit by three ferocious dogs. Also, your page does a good job in conveying the aspects of hell. The white/red scheme you have going on is great, along with the images that you are choosing. I wonder what the next stories are going to be like. If they're anything like the first them I will definitely be back for more. Keep up the good work!
This concept is so creative! I like the idea of relating the levels of hell in a more modern way, and representing the deadly sins the way they are seen in today’s society. Because it’s definitely different now than it was when Dante’s Inferno was originally written. I know you are only writing about three levels, but it could be interesting to at least name the other levels, or outline them, just to give the reader more insight into this version of hell you have created. The use of second person in your story is very interesting! It’s rare to read something in second person, and I think you pulled it off well. I also think it’s super interesting that you brought in aspects of A Christmas Carol, because that is not a story I would have paired with Inferno, but you made it work very well. I’m excited to read more of your stories!
Connor, this is an incredibly and intriguing idea for a Storybook. I was honestly hooked from the Home page and the introduction just kept peaking my interest. I am really intrigued by the idea of being put in the position as a reader, to experience the issues of the story. The idea of hell being a mental place and how it can be experienced through other people is carried out greatly. The psychology behind the motives of the first character are interesting and I think that the readers can somewhat connect with that. Your use of imagery was great and I was intrigued throughout the story. I think that you have definitely managed to use the dynamics of the Christmas Carol in a way that makes your storytelling strong and engrossing. I like that you gave an insight on what the stories are going to be about and also how you give small previews on the page beforehand. I cannot wait to read about the other levels.
Hey Connor, Love the idea of Dante's Divine Comedy. I like how you're telling the story from the perspective of the one that the poet is talking to. As if the ready was Dante himself. I really like your use of imagery in your writing and the pictures you used. The formatting of white to red to white was different but good. I really liked the writing styles similarity to the Christmas Carol. I really look forward to reading more of the stories about Dante's journey through Hell. How far do you intend on going? Will you go only through Hell, Purgatory, even Heaven? Cannot wait to read on.
Hi Connor! Your introduction and first story are fantastic! I like that you began with a description of hell and offered the definition that frames your Storybook before introducing Virgil. I also like that we get a glimpse into each story that we'll be experiencing; that's a great way to get people excited about reading on! Thank you for the detail that you put into the author's note. I have never read Dante's Inferno, so without the note I would have missed the aspects from the original story that you brought into your retelling. I really appreciate that you kept the imagery from the original story, as I know that Dante's Inferno is supposed to be very graphic and vivid. You kept the vivid images of mud, rain, and ferocious dogs and brought your own modern imagery in as well, which made the story feel so real. The detail about the goosebumps from the rain was especially effective. The only "feedforward" I can think to give you would be that I would have liked a sound description in the paragraph about crawling away from and getting attacked by the dogs. You did a great job describing what that pain would look and feel like, and I think it could be expanded upon even more with just a sentence or phrase about what you might hear from the dogs as they descend on you. This was so painful yet enjoyable to read, and I hope to come back to your project in the future!
I am in the Indian Epics course, so I was incredibly story to take a look at your project and see how similar and different it is from mine. I chose to look at your project because of its shocking and alluring title. 'Hell on Earth' is an excellent title that could draw anyone in to want to know more about what this hell is. Especially since we do not do the same readings, I was especially interested in taking a deeper look on the stories would would retell that are associated with this.
Your introduction is great. I loved the questions it posed at the beginning. This created a frame of which your introduction would go through. As it went into the section of first person, I thought it got even better and more exciting. I also commend the way you left the introduction hanging at the end. It definitely made me want to read more.
In your story 'Addict' I was impressed by the flow of the story and the content itself. You made the reader feel what this addict is feeling. I liked the way you added the photos to directly link them to the content of the story to reinforce the negative aspects of this hell.
Overall, your project looks incredible! You have a great writing style and are very talented. I am glad that I got to look at the other classes projects, as I was so impressed by yours. I definitely have new ideas that I can incorporate into my project, even thought our topics and readings are so different. Great job and good luck finishing up this semester!
Your project is amazing. Your introduction gives enough information to draw the reader in, but leaves enough unsaid to get them thinking. I love the way you have formatted your pages. Alternating red and white, a great choice of colors for your project, between images and text was a brilliant decision. I have struggled with excess white space in my own project and I fell that you have completely remedied that issue in yours.
Your story is great. You did a great job describing the setting and your accompanying pictures were a perfect addition. You are clearly a very talented writer and I greatly enjoyed your writing style and the content you chose.
I can tell that you have put a ton of work into your project so far and you have taken an extremely creative route. I am looking forward to reading your next two stories and seeing the end of this project. The only suggestion I have for you is to continue what you are doing because everything looks fantastic.
Hi Connor! Hello from the other side (Indian Epics class). I was really surprised when i began reading your project, but it immediately grabbed my attention. First off, as for choice of subject matter Dante and the seven deadly sins work perfectly for this project as they section off so neatly. Secondly it is quite educational, I for one didn't know Dante's hell was to be taken metaphorically.
Onto the writing. I was extremely offset by this writing style. I have read maybe one other series written in the second person, "Choose your own adventure books." I think that both your stories and chose your own adventures use this tactic to the same end, to make the reader feel more invested and emotionally attached to the character. I think it works great as you could tell from my somewhat uncomfortable feeling I had upon reading it.
The example of addiction was lovely, I expected it be something to do with food because it is often associated with gluttony, but I was pleasantly surprised to discover differently.
Connor, Hey I am from the other side of the spectrum this semester as I am normally commenting on the Indian Epic stories but it was fun to read a story from this other class and I must say you did a great Job. I like the way you have set up your website as it goes along with your writing. You have a different writing style but that is refreshing when we read a lot of the same feeling stories week to week. I like that you wrote about dante and the seven deadly sins as one of my favorite movies is Seven with brad pitt. I am sure you have seen it but if you haven't then I highly recommend. Great job on your story and I hope to get to read more of it in the future. I also hope you get a chance to come over and read one of mine as well. Keep up the great work!
Hi Connor! I know I have commented on your introduction but now I got to read your first two stories and all I can say is WOW! You really are an incredibly talented writer! Your stories feel so raw and real, and I like how they are "you" so that it really does feel like you are the one travelling! Your first story was a different but really important and relevant example of addiction. I really appreciated how you focused it onto something that is so prevalent in today's society, addiction to drugs. Your visual imagery is also very skilled, I could almost feel the rain falling on me in the first story and the rage of the dad was also very palpable in the second story. I really think you do am incredible job at showing just how dangerous these things are, and why they deserve to be levels of hell! Good job!!
Hey Connor, Your storybook is very dark and intricate. I liked reading it and seeing how the visuals just seemed to pop into my head. The detail that you used in the stories was really great and I think that really made your storybook pop out and kept me interested in reading. The story Wrath was really dark and I was not really sure how I felt about it at first. I thought that Hell itself was torturing him because of how he acted throughout his life which connected back to the first story when the addicts life showed the layer of hell. I think the Murder notes were a little confusing but that is all I can see that might need a little change. The storybook overall is really great and I look forward to coming back to read more of this
Hi Connor! I visited your site about a month ago and there are pretty big changes that I saw immediately. The overall aesthetic of the site looks better and you finished the other stories. Your stories are extremely graphic and can honestly be slightly disturbing at times. For example, in the “Wrath” section whenever Dan hits his wife it is a very unsettling scene. However, I like how you don’t sugarcoat the situation. These things actually happen and they have to be brought to light in order for anything to change. I think my biggest question is why is Dan so mad? I understand that you might not have enough to explain his deep rooted rage, but maybe a short backstory would help the reader understand where his anger comes from. What if you made Dan have a flashback to a situation from when he was younger that emotionally scarred him? I feel like this would add another powerful aspect to this story.
Hi Connor! This is my second time reading your storybook, but the first time you only had the introduction and your first story done. This time you have three stories. I just want to reiterate that you have an incredible set of writing skills. You know exactly what to say and when to give the reader the imagery needed to immerse them in the story. All three of your sins that you handpicked relate so well in today's day and age. I've read and heard of so many spousal abuse incidents that it just makes your story that much more believable. I'm also writing about Dante's Inferno as well, but I have a totally different approach. I wouldn't even compare mine to yours because of the amount of detail you put in. I also really enjoyed how you chose to end your storybook with Virgil giving the main character the tools to go out in the world and become a prophet. It's the perfect ending. The only problem I have is that it had to end, but all good things have an end right?
Hey Conner, As a psychology major I have really enjoyed your project. I did not know much about Dante’s Inferno, so your author’s notes did a great job of explaining what the original story was about and parts of the story you kept the same in your project. Like you explained in your authors notes, I felt like Virgil was taking the reader through certain layers of hell like the ghost in A Christmas Carol but more of a darker scenario. One thing I was confused on is if Virgil took the man from addition to the serial murder story as well or just to the wrath level and he took the wrath father to the serial killer layer? You have a great writing style and use great descriptions for how the particular person in the layer is feeling, it helps the reader become aware of what that feeling might be for themselves. I was also wanting more in the last story of Murder but saw that you had word count restrictions. Great project!
I like the look of your Storybook! You’ve included lots of photos which is great. I was a little confused by your intro because it seemed to be told from two different perspectives. If you’re going to use Virgil to guide your readers through hell, I think it would be great if you started out with him explaining everything. For your first story, it sounds like you’ve done your research on the effects of drugs on the human body. I wondered, though, why your drugee would know the term “vasodilated.” Does he have a medical past? Do drug addicts usually know the technical terms for what’s going wrong with their bodies? You’ve definitely piqued my interest. The level of thought and detail put into this story was impressive. In the second story, you wrote, “you cast our your parents a long time ago.” I like that you set up the next story at the end of the one before it. It draws your reader into the next story before they’ve even clicked on it. I was so impressed by your stories! Incredible job. Keep up the good work!
I decided to come back and see the progress you have made and I am not disappointed. I did notice a few missing commas in your third story,but nothing major. A quick read through should fix that. Your stories were amazing. You did a fantastic job of building the characters and showing their human emotion. You also did a fantastic job of using symbolism and explaining why you made the choices that you did. I am curious why you chose to move away from the red and white alternating background colors that you used in your intro, and first and third stories. I think that is an extremely sleek look. I have really enjoyed reading through the stories in your project and I think it is probably the best one that I have seen. You really did an awesome job, and I appreciate your hard work. Fantastic job!
Hi Connor! Wow, what a dark concept you decided to take on! I thought you did a great job portraying your thoughts, and made the concept of hell seem like hell. My favorite part about “Addiction” was the feelings of disgust and pain you brought into the story. My favorite part about “Murder” was the vivid imagery. I think the vivid imager used into the writing was portrayed throughout the project, but I feel “Murder” was the story where it really came into play. I was a little confused about the characters. What if you added in some background details about their sins? I think this would make you theme even more interesting. Other than that, I thought you did a great job portraying the stories! You had a very different touch to the original stories, and your project definitely stood out to me. Looking forward to more of your writing!
Hey Connor! I'm typing this as I'm reading your story. I just have to say, you are a really good writer! That introduction was intense! I really like the concept of your project, and I love the way your story pulls the reader in and gets them involved! The fact that you chose to use a second person point of view is really powerful to get your message across, and you are really good at describing these things. I also really appreciate the level of thought you put into this, as evidenced by your author's note. Honestly, this story is just all around intense, which I'm assuming is what you were going for. It's fantastic, in a creepy/unsettling way. I agree with the main character, though. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the murder chapter. Wow. The emphasis you're putting on the psychological state of each person as you tell their story is probably the most powerful part of your story. It's really great!
I'm from the Indian Epics class, and I have to say, I really love the idea behind your project! I think a project focused on the concept of hell is super interesting, and it really shows your creative side! Your site was really aesthetically pleasing, too - the font was stylistic, the background was simple, and the pictures added good meaning to the stories. I think the way you organized your story was useful, too. It helped develop the characters well, and the procession of events was really smooth. The way you describe each character's varying emotions, from fear to confusion to relief, really helped the reader understand the nature of those characters in the stories. The dialogue really helped the reader feel connected, as well - especially that between Virgil and the characters. Since there is no story dedicated specifically to Virgil, it really helps reveal more about the nature of Virgil. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps make your pictures a little smaller so they don't interfere with the text as much. Overall, I thought you did a fantastic job with your writing, and look forward to reading more of your project!
You have done a really great job on your project throughout the whole semester. This is my first time coming to your page, and I was not disappointed. Your title really enticed my to click on your page, and I'm sure it did the same to other students. You cover page also goes along really well with the theme yoy are trying to establish. My favorite story was your most recent one titles "Murder." I like how intense it is and I was really interested and engaged in the plot while I was reading it. You did a really good job for your use of pictures. I thought they went along great with the strory. You did a really great job this semester. I enjoyed getting a chance to see your project and getting the opportunity to comment and give feedback.
Hi Connor! I decided to read your storybook because "Welcome to Hell" felt kind of fitting for dead week. Your introduction is fantastic — it's appropriately ominous and dark, and I appreciated that you gave a reader an idea of the different levels of hell they're going to go through, and I like that we'll know before we even click on the first section that we'll be "Ed." I appreciate that you have Virgil as the thread between all of the discrete stories and characters — that makes it much easier to follow along from story to story. The level of detail you have in "Wrath" is almost uncomfortable, especially when we're supposed to put ourselves in Dan's shoes. Like, I hate reading that *I* am lashing out at "my" family like this. It's just super, super intense and detailed, which I can tell is what you're going for. Great job.
Hi Connor! First off, your homepage looks great! I was definitely intrigued about what your storybook was going to be about. I haven't read Dante's Inferno, so I had no clue what I was getting into. I really liked how you set up the Introduction. They way you really address the reader directly is fantastic! I also like how you gave the reader a character as the traveler. I really felt like Virgil was speaking to me! I also enjoyed the language you used; it was so vivid. As someone who has never read Dante's Inferno, you did a great job giving a brief introduction about it; the three distinct levels of hell were interesting. In reference to your website, I think it looks great! I'm picky with details, so one thing I would suggest is that you keep your Image Information text formatted the same. But other than that, great job! I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHey Connor, I think so far you are off to a great start! I also am not familiar with Dante's inferno but I think based on your introduction this story was a cool inspiration for you. Is this story going to be based on the same characters or is it completely new? While this is a darker topic, I think you do a great job of making people really feel and visualize what you are writing, which is one of the coolest things about this class. I wonder where this story is going to go and I am definitely left wanting to find out where this story goes, which means the audience is definitely captured by your introduction as well. I hope to see some really descriptive words and scenarios that really do make people feel like they are experiencing hell. Good luck with your story and hopefully I can read more soon!
ReplyDeleteHey Connor,
ReplyDeleteI like the subject you picked. Dante's inferno is a good one to wrap yourself in and I'm sure your stories are going to be terrifying and fun to read!
I like your first person narrative and you're doing a great job of getting in the mindset of your character!
Just a couple things I'd work on, In your first major paragraph, you mention "time" a lot, sometimes even in the same phrasing. Maybe condense those sentences or reword them so it doesn't sound so redundant.
I like the switching between blue and white backgrounds but maybe you could play with that a little more and use some reds (it is hell after all right?) I would also add in more pictures for the other major levels to keep the pattern going!
Your cover page is awesome! Very hell-ish! Nice! And I like your intro though I would rephrase it a little bit to get the same effect in a more concise way. You're doing a great job! i can't wait to see where these stories go!
Hey Connor,
ReplyDeleteWhat an attention-grabber. The very first thing that I noticed was your site title, "Welcome to Hell." This is such a great way to start off with a punch! Good job.
I'd like to make a few comments on your introduction!
I really like your foundation. This is so creative, and doing a project based on Dante's Inferno is brilliant! This past summer I was able to spend some time at Universal Studios in Los Angeles. I almost felt similar feelings while reading this as to the ones I experienced during 3D-immersions at this theme park - synthetic, but so realistic!
I liked the images that you've used so far, and I think you could incorporate some even scarier photos. Your project will be one that has a lot of visual potential because of common conceptions/misconceptions of hell, suffering, etc. Choosing a variety of impactful photos can have a huge effect on the way your story is told and perceived! I think you might even be able to add some additional photos to the introduction.
Keep it up. I'm really interested to see how you develop your project throughout the semester.
First of all Connor, I just wanted to say I love how unique your idea is! Everything about it unique but it all blends together so perfectly! The background picture you have is super cool, I love Mandelbrot patterns! I think it is super cool that you have Virgil as the narrarator, it is only fitting! I am so interested to see what you do with this story, the three sins you chose are pretty heavy, and it is going to be cool to see what you do with those stories. I think it would be really cool if you incorporated a lot of decription of what the person in each story is feeling, since you said hell isn't a place but basically a mindset! It is going to be hard for most people to really be able to relate with the sinner, but I think that you are such a good writer that you will be able to make even a saint feel like the sinner!! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteConner, I chose your title for my third option for the feedback assignment and I was not let down. I was interested to see what was behind the title. One word that I noticed should be capitalized is the word inferno in the sentence that starts “One very well known...” I enjoyed reading your introduction. I liked that you wrote that Hell is a state of mind, because on Earth that is what many people do to themselves. They put their mind in such a negative cloud that they think that life is so bad that they are in Hell. The power of the mind is incredible and can make people feel and choose different ways of life depending on their own thoughts. As I continued reading the introduction, it only got better from there. I am excited to read the stories you will be coming up with. Continue the great work!
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else here, I was drawn to your story because of the title. I was having just the worst day and I went to do these blog comments, read "Welcome to Hell," and thought that sounds about right! I think Dante's Inferno is a really original topic and I especially liked how you took us through a little run down of Dante's Inferno because I've never read it before. Your writing style definitely draws the reader in and puts them into this world you've created. The whole felling of the intro is just the right amount of dark and sinister without going overboard, it actually makes you a little uncomfortable, but in the best way possible. Can't wait to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteConnor, I really like how you are making Dante’s Inferno more modern because that will make the story more relatable to readers today. The main aspect of your Storybook that caught my eye is that we are experiencing hell through the eyes of the people who have sinned. This adds a very interesting twist on this classic story which I am sure will be enjoyable as you continue to write more. The one thing I was curious about is why you chose to write your story in third person. What if you changed the way you told the stories to first person? I think this would make the experience for the reader more enjoyable and we would be more immersed in the story because we would be seeing the thoughts of the sinners in hell. That is just my personal opinion on which perspective should be used for these kinds of stories. Overall, I believe this is an intriguing storybook with a lot of potential.
ReplyDeleteHi Connor! I just read your first story, Addict, and I thought it was super interesting and enjoyable to read. Your writing style was incredible for the type of piece that you were crafting. I also thought that the point of view that you chose to use was super interesting and unique to your piece. You picked an interesting topic that is sometimes sensitive and made it personal and understood. I am excited for the weeks to come to see what direction you go with your story. I will have to flag your page to come back and check it for sure. What if, for one of your other stories, you give the character that is going through these things a name? That might make it easier for the reader to connect as your story book continues to grow in volume. I am excited to see which direction you decide to go as the semester continues.
ReplyDeleteHi Conner,
ReplyDeleteThat was a really powerful story! I haven't read a story that has given me the same gut check. The way you worded it made me feel as though I was the person experiencing the first level of hell. I think that telling the story in second person making the reader the "you" in the story is an excellent touch that could be maintained for the rest of the project. I enjoyed reading your intro as well, it painted a good picture of what is to come in the rest of your project. I am looking forward to reading more about this topic. Great story!
Hi Conner!
ReplyDeleteI knew that I'd connect with your story the moment I found out it was going to be about Dante's Inferno. I'm also doing the same story as well except our views on it are totally different. I want to say right off the bat that your visuals and descriptive details are insane. I felt so immersed in the first person sense. It was like I was on an attraction ride and going through it myself. The attention to detail that you put into your first story gave me the chills. It was like I was a drug addict myself getting bit by three ferocious dogs. Also, your page does a good job in conveying the aspects of hell. The white/red scheme you have going on is great, along with the images that you are choosing. I wonder what the next stories are going to be like. If they're anything like the first them I will definitely be back for more. Keep up the good work!
Connor
ReplyDeleteThis concept is so creative! I like the idea of relating the levels of hell in a more modern way, and representing the deadly sins the way they are seen in today’s society. Because it’s definitely different now than it was when Dante’s Inferno was originally written. I know you are only writing about three levels, but it could be interesting to at least name the other levels, or outline them, just to give the reader more insight into this version of hell you have created. The use of second person in your story is very interesting! It’s rare to read something in second person, and I think you pulled it off well. I also think it’s super interesting that you brought in aspects of A Christmas Carol, because that is not a story I would have paired with Inferno, but you made it work very well. I’m excited to read more of your stories!
Connor, this is an incredibly and intriguing idea for a Storybook. I was honestly hooked from the Home page and the introduction just kept peaking my interest. I am really intrigued by the idea of being put in the position as a reader, to experience the issues of the story. The idea of hell being a mental place and how it can be experienced through other people is carried out greatly. The psychology behind the motives of the first character are interesting and I think that the readers can somewhat connect with that. Your use of imagery was great and I was intrigued throughout the story. I think that you have definitely managed to use the dynamics of the Christmas Carol in a way that makes your storytelling strong and engrossing.
ReplyDeleteI like that you gave an insight on what the stories are going to be about and also how you give small previews on the page beforehand. I cannot wait to read about the other levels.
Hey Connor, Love the idea of Dante's Divine Comedy. I like how you're telling the story from the perspective of the one that the poet is talking to. As if the ready was Dante himself. I really like your use of imagery in your writing and the pictures you used. The formatting of white to red to white was different but good. I really liked the writing styles similarity to the Christmas Carol. I really look forward to reading more of the stories about Dante's journey through Hell. How far do you intend on going? Will you go only through Hell, Purgatory, even Heaven? Cannot wait to read on.
ReplyDeleteHi Connor!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction and first story are fantastic! I like that you began with a description of hell and offered the definition that frames your Storybook before introducing Virgil. I also like that we get a glimpse into each story that we'll be experiencing; that's a great way to get people excited about reading on! Thank you for the detail that you put into the author's note. I have never read Dante's Inferno, so without the note I would have missed the aspects from the original story that you brought into your retelling. I really appreciate that you kept the imagery from the original story, as I know that Dante's Inferno is supposed to be very graphic and vivid. You kept the vivid images of mud, rain, and ferocious dogs and brought your own modern imagery in as well, which made the story feel so real. The detail about the goosebumps from the rain was especially effective. The only "feedforward" I can think to give you would be that I would have liked a sound description in the paragraph about crawling away from and getting attacked by the dogs. You did a great job describing what that pain would look and feel like, and I think it could be expanded upon even more with just a sentence or phrase about what you might hear from the dogs as they descend on you. This was so painful yet enjoyable to read, and I hope to come back to your project in the future!
Connor,
ReplyDeleteI am in the Indian Epics course, so I was incredibly story to take a look at your project and see how similar and different it is from mine. I chose to look at your project because of its shocking and alluring title. 'Hell on Earth' is an excellent title that could draw anyone in to want to know more about what this hell is. Especially since we do not do the same readings, I was especially interested in taking a deeper look on the stories would would retell that are associated with this.
Your introduction is great. I loved the questions it posed at the beginning. This created a frame of which your introduction would go through. As it went into the section of first person, I thought it got even better and more exciting. I also commend the way you left the introduction hanging at the end. It definitely made me want to read more.
In your story 'Addict' I was impressed by the flow of the story and the content itself. You made the reader feel what this addict is feeling. I liked the way you added the photos to directly link them to the content of the story to reinforce the negative aspects of this hell.
Overall, your project looks incredible! You have a great writing style and are very talented. I am glad that I got to look at the other classes projects, as I was so impressed by yours. I definitely have new ideas that I can incorporate into my project, even thought our topics and readings are so different. Great job and good luck finishing up this semester!
Hi Connor!
ReplyDeleteYour project is amazing. Your introduction gives enough information to draw the reader in, but leaves enough unsaid to get them thinking. I love the way you have formatted your pages. Alternating red and white, a great choice of colors for your project, between images and text was a brilliant decision. I have struggled with excess white space in my own project and I fell that you have completely remedied that issue in yours.
Your story is great. You did a great job describing the setting and your accompanying pictures were a perfect addition. You are clearly a very talented writer and I greatly enjoyed your writing style and the content you chose.
I can tell that you have put a ton of work into your project so far and you have taken an extremely creative route. I am looking forward to reading your next two stories and seeing the end of this project. The only suggestion I have for you is to continue what you are doing because everything looks fantastic.
Great job!
Hi Connor!
ReplyDeleteHello from the other side (Indian Epics class). I was really surprised when i began reading your project, but it immediately grabbed my attention. First off, as for choice of subject matter Dante and the seven deadly sins work perfectly for this project as they section off so neatly. Secondly it is quite educational, I for one didn't know Dante's hell was to be taken metaphorically.
Onto the writing. I was extremely offset by this writing style. I have read maybe one other series written in the second person, "Choose your own adventure books." I think that both your stories and chose your own adventures use this tactic to the same end, to make the reader feel more invested and emotionally attached to the character. I think it works great as you could tell from my somewhat uncomfortable feeling I had upon reading it.
The example of addiction was lovely, I expected it be something to do with food because it is often associated with gluttony, but I was pleasantly surprised to discover differently.
Connor,
ReplyDeleteHey I am from the other side of the spectrum this semester as I am normally commenting on the Indian Epic stories but it was fun to read a story from this other class and I must say you did a great Job. I like the way you have set up your website as it goes along with your writing. You have a different writing style but that is refreshing when we read a lot of the same feeling stories week to week. I like that you wrote about dante and the seven deadly sins as one of my favorite movies is Seven with brad pitt. I am sure you have seen it but if you haven't then I highly recommend. Great job on your story and I hope to get to read more of it in the future. I also hope you get a chance to come over and read one of mine as well. Keep up the great work!
Hi Connor! I know I have commented on your introduction but now I got to read your first two stories and all I can say is WOW! You really are an incredibly talented writer! Your stories feel so raw and real, and I like how they are "you" so that it really does feel like you are the one travelling! Your first story was a different but really important and relevant example of addiction. I really appreciated how you focused it onto something that is so prevalent in today's society, addiction to drugs. Your visual imagery is also very skilled, I could almost feel the rain falling on me in the first story and the rage of the dad was also very palpable in the second story. I really think you do am incredible job at showing just how dangerous these things are, and why they deserve to be levels of hell! Good job!!
ReplyDeleteHey Connor,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is very dark and intricate. I liked reading it and seeing how the visuals just seemed to pop into my head. The detail that you used in the stories was really great and I think that really made your storybook pop out and kept me interested in reading. The story Wrath was really dark and I was not really sure how I felt about it at first. I thought that Hell itself was torturing him because of how he acted throughout his life which connected back to the first story when the addicts life showed the layer of hell. I think the Murder notes were a little confusing but that is all I can see that might need a little change. The storybook overall is really great and I look forward to coming back to read more of this
Hi Connor! I visited your site about a month ago and there are pretty big changes that I saw immediately. The overall aesthetic of the site looks better and you finished the other stories. Your stories are extremely graphic and can honestly be slightly disturbing at times. For example, in the “Wrath” section whenever Dan hits his wife it is a very unsettling scene. However, I like how you don’t sugarcoat the situation. These things actually happen and they have to be brought to light in order for anything to change. I think my biggest question is why is Dan so mad? I understand that you might not have enough to explain his deep rooted rage, but maybe a short backstory would help the reader understand where his anger comes from. What if you made Dan have a flashback to a situation from when he was younger that emotionally scarred him? I feel like this would add another powerful aspect to this story.
ReplyDeleteHi Connor!
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time reading your storybook, but the first time you only had the introduction and your first story done. This time you have three stories. I just want to reiterate that you have an incredible set of writing skills. You know exactly what to say and when to give the reader the imagery needed to immerse them in the story. All three of your sins that you handpicked relate so well in today's day and age. I've read and heard of so many spousal abuse incidents that it just makes your story that much more believable. I'm also writing about Dante's Inferno as well, but I have a totally different approach. I wouldn't even compare mine to yours because of the amount of detail you put in. I also really enjoyed how you chose to end your storybook with Virgil giving the main character the tools to go out in the world and become a prophet. It's the perfect ending. The only problem I have is that it had to end, but all good things have an end right?
Hey Conner,
ReplyDeleteAs a psychology major I have really enjoyed your project. I did not know much about Dante’s Inferno, so your author’s notes did a great job of explaining what the original story was about and parts of the story you kept the same in your project. Like you explained in your authors notes, I felt like Virgil was taking the reader through certain layers of hell like the ghost in A Christmas Carol but more of a darker scenario. One thing I was confused on is if Virgil took the man from addition to the serial murder story as well or just to the wrath level and he took the wrath father to the serial killer layer? You have a great writing style and use great descriptions for how the particular person in the layer is feeling, it helps the reader become aware of what that feeling might be for themselves. I was also wanting more in the last story of Murder but saw that you had word count restrictions. Great project!
I like the look of your Storybook! You’ve included lots of photos which is great. I was a little confused by your intro because it seemed to be told from two different perspectives. If you’re going to use Virgil to guide your readers through hell, I think it would be great if you started out with him explaining everything. For your first story, it sounds like you’ve done your research on the effects of drugs on the human body. I wondered, though, why your drugee would know the term “vasodilated.” Does he have a medical past? Do drug addicts usually know the technical terms for what’s going wrong with their bodies? You’ve definitely piqued my interest. The level of thought and detail put into this story was impressive. In the second story, you wrote, “you cast our your parents a long time ago.” I like that you set up the next story at the end of the one before it. It draws your reader into the next story before they’ve even clicked on it. I was so impressed by your stories! Incredible job. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Connor!
ReplyDeleteI decided to come back and see the progress you have made and I am not disappointed. I did notice a few missing commas in your third story,but nothing major. A quick read through should fix that.
Your stories were amazing. You did a fantastic job of building the characters and showing their human emotion. You also did a fantastic job of using symbolism and explaining why you made the choices that you did.
I am curious why you chose to move away from the red and white alternating background colors that you used in your intro, and first and third stories. I think that is an extremely sleek look.
I have really enjoyed reading through the stories in your project and I think it is probably the best one that I have seen. You really did an awesome job, and I appreciate your hard work.
Fantastic job!
Hi Connor! Wow, what a dark concept you decided to take on! I thought you did a great job portraying your thoughts, and made the concept of hell seem like hell. My favorite part about “Addiction” was the feelings of disgust and pain you brought into the story. My favorite part about “Murder” was the vivid imagery. I think the vivid imager used into the writing was portrayed throughout the project, but I feel “Murder” was the story where it really came into play. I was a little confused about the characters. What if you added in some background details about their sins? I think this would make you theme even more interesting. Other than that, I thought you did a great job portraying the stories! You had a very different touch to the original stories, and your project definitely stood out to me. Looking forward to more of your writing!
ReplyDeleteHey Connor!
ReplyDeleteI'm typing this as I'm reading your story. I just have to say, you are a really good writer! That introduction was intense! I really like the concept of your project, and I love the way your story pulls the reader in and gets them involved! The fact that you chose to use a second person point of view is really powerful to get your message across, and you are really good at describing these things. I also really appreciate the level of thought you put into this, as evidenced by your author's note.
Honestly, this story is just all around intense, which I'm assuming is what you were going for. It's fantastic, in a creepy/unsettling way. I agree with the main character, though. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the murder chapter.
Wow. The emphasis you're putting on the psychological state of each person as you tell their story is probably the most powerful part of your story. It's really great!
Hey Connor!
ReplyDeleteI'm from the Indian Epics class, and I have to say, I really love the idea behind your project! I think a project focused on the concept of hell is super interesting, and it really shows your creative side! Your site was really aesthetically pleasing, too - the font was stylistic, the background was simple, and the pictures added good meaning to the stories. I think the way you organized your story was useful, too. It helped develop the characters well, and the procession of events was really smooth. The way you describe each character's varying emotions, from fear to confusion to relief, really helped the reader understand the nature of those characters in the stories. The dialogue really helped the reader feel connected, as well - especially that between Virgil and the characters. Since there is no story dedicated specifically to Virgil, it really helps reveal more about the nature of Virgil. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps make your pictures a little smaller so they don't interfere with the text as much. Overall, I thought you did a fantastic job with your writing, and look forward to reading more of your project!
Hi Connor,
ReplyDeleteYou have done a really great job on your project throughout the whole semester. This is my first time coming to your page, and I was not disappointed. Your title really enticed my to click on your page, and I'm sure it did the same to other students. You cover page also goes along really well with the theme yoy are trying to establish. My favorite story was your most recent one titles "Murder." I like how intense it is and I was really interested and engaged in the plot while I was reading it. You did a really good job for your use of pictures. I thought they went along great with the strory. You did a really great job this semester. I enjoyed getting a chance to see your project and getting the opportunity to comment and give feedback.
Brooks
Hi Connor! I decided to read your storybook because "Welcome to Hell" felt kind of fitting for dead week. Your introduction is fantastic — it's appropriately ominous and dark, and I appreciated that you gave a reader an idea of the different levels of hell they're going to go through, and I like that we'll know before we even click on the first section that we'll be "Ed." I appreciate that you have Virgil as the thread between all of the discrete stories and characters — that makes it much easier to follow along from story to story. The level of detail you have in "Wrath" is almost uncomfortable, especially when we're supposed to put ourselves in Dan's shoes. Like, I hate reading that *I* am lashing out at "my" family like this. It's just super, super intense and detailed, which I can tell is what you're going for. Great job.
ReplyDelete